I'm a new member... I think you all are very insightful and I just want an opinion (or a tongue lashing, what have you).

Ok, i've gone off the pill and I haven't told my partner. I know it takes 2 months just to even start trying. For our whole relationship he's used withdrawl EVERY time and even if I wasn't on the pill I still would never get preg. The thing is, I want a baby really horribly bad and I have a plan to get me there. I've just been really anxious about lying to him. I think this is a great time in my life to have a baby, but he's never even hinted about wanting a child b/c he's depressed about life in general. I'm 24 and he's 28 and we have steady jobs (not married , but been together for almost 6 years). He's been in school getting a PhD in chemistry. I'm just shaking over this though.
any thoughts?
thanks

You still have plenty of time to have a baby ( I was 28 with my first and still plan on more)and lying to him is only going to turn out bad. I suggest talking to him and letting him know how you are feeling. You never know, he may feel the same way. Just my opinion.

I think you need to be honest because lying to him is a good way for him to leave you and then you'll have a child to raise on your own. It isn't fair for the innocent child just because you want a baby. I would tell him that you are off BC. That is not very nice to just go off without his consent because then he is forever financially responsible for your lie which also effects the poor innocent baby.

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~Marianne
Mommy to Jadyn Trinity
February 10th, 2005

Just to let you know, I went off of the pill at the end of June and got pregnant at the beginning of July.

Why don't you take one step at a time. Call me old fashioned, but I think perhaps first you ought to consider getting married before you do something like have a child. Sure marriage is a big commitment, but I think a child is even more of one.

If he's working on his PhD I can understand him being stressed and depressed. That's a lot of pressure for someone to go through. I don't think you surprising him with a child is going to help him out any more. You sound really selfish to me.

I'll have to agree with everyone there. Lying causes more problems than it prevents/fixes. And if he is so depressed and all do you think that he is going to be a good father? Especially when he was lied to by his/her mother. I really think that that is just a gateway for a bad family life! It is not just your baby, it is his too and he has a right to be a part of the conception, knowingly! You both need to be ready to have a child for it to work out!

Talk to him first! tell him how badly you want a baby! He just may surprise you!

good luck!

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You sound so unfair to me. I wish you tell him ur desire, sit, talk and sort it out. Dont make him feel that he's been cheated. Thats not good for u and ur family life. I wish you good luck. Just go and talk to him.

My advice is to tell him ! If you don't he may feel trapped and run especially since he is trying to make a stable life for ya'll and working twards a career. He is very likely to resent you for putting a baby smack dab in the middle of his already stressed out existance ( school is very hard and causes alot of stress wether you are doing well or not your always trying to do better) It is not fair to you, him or your baby to be.

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Sincerely, Jennifer

Mitchell born 11/92
Nathaniel born 9/01
Baby due 6/05

Yeah, sounds like a good idea to talk to him. Maybe I am young and selfish. I go back and forth on it. I just turned 24 a few months ago, and there are things I want to do (like travel). I'm rushing things! I'm just hormonal! I hated the side effects on the pill (that's the main reason I went off). I wanted to feel "normal". All the ladies in my family have a history of being hormonal (on or off the pill). Adding a baby into the mix would make life more stressful!
Reading this forum has changed my mind, I would die if I had all this trouble (no offense to new and preg moms) at this point in my life. I got some vitamins yesterday and I'll start working out to blow off this anxiety, and get another method of bc.
Thanks for all your opinions!

Have you tried different types of pills. When I was taking them I found that there was only one pill I didn't have a bad reaction to. The OrthoTricyclen that they try to push on every one right now was not it. It made me moody, bloated and ruined my skin. I went on Ortho Novum and I was fine. I stayed on that for several years.

I just turned 25 myself. Right now I'm 32 weeks pregnant. This baby was planned by both my husband and I. I've had a very easy pregnancy, but it's still nothing like what I expected. I wouldn't recommend just jumping into doing it without really thinking it through first. While it can be a wonderful thing, it's a scary time too. There's so much that changes and so many things to think about.

My friend was dating a girl and they had been together for a while and she wanted a baby and he wasnt ready for a baby so she agreed to wait and they chose to use a differant form of contraception which was the injection. He took her tot he doctors waited for her and then they went home. They had unprotected sex as he thought she was on the injection. 2 months later she tells him she is pregnant and that she wasnt on the injection. He felt so betrayed they broke up and he doesnt talk to her. He pays his child maintenance and writes to his son but there are bitter feelings between then both and his son feels it and he is the real victim. It really isnt worth lying to him because it may turn ugly and the child will suffer.

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MUMMY OF TWO BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN, BABY #3 DUE IN JANUARY AND MUMMY OF TWO BEAUTIFUL ANGELS.

Yeah, I've tried many many different pills...
Ortho tri cyclen, ortho cyclen, yasmin 28, some generic brands. I still feel all crazy with all of them. The best was ortho cyclen but I gained about 30 lbs, and as soon as I got off that one I dropped 25 lbs. (I did not workout and I didn't change my diet). yasmin 28 was the last one, I tried it for 3 months and at the end I was so moody and angry all the time for no reason. I was sick too, the abdominal cramping was awful and nausea kept me home from work and sports a few days.
My sister was on the shot and she was so moody she almost divorced her husband. BC is evil for us!
It's just the easiest method ( I have no problem remembering every evening before bed to take my pill). My mom says a diaphram might be ok, but messy and kind of out dated. My doctor doesn't even do fittings anymore, she has to ask another doc, and he is the only one in the practice who does them.

I live in kind of a small town! The midwest is full of people who have moved here to start a family. All my friends my age have married / or preg right now. My roommate from college just had her first. Just been feeling left out. I know if I moved out of the midwest I would surely not be wanting a baby so much.