Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2004 2:28 am Post subject: Santa Clause
Okay, to start..I know it's not even close to Christmas, so I apologize ahead of time!
I have been struggling with this for 5 years now, my daughter just turned 6 and my husband feels that telling our children that "SANTA" is real is wrong. He's allowed me to carry on this tradition, however says that when the time comes that she asks him if Santa is real (which she's already started talking about with me) he will tell her the truth.
He says he feels that lying to our children is a terrible thing to do.
This is something that is very important to me, and I am torn up at the thought that my kids may miss out on something so magical
I also have a 10 mth old as well. I need advice from an outsiders point of view, am I being selfish because he is compromising a little..?
It's not good enough for me though...I feel that his thoughts on this are silly to be quite frank.
Anyone out there ever experienced this or know someone who has..?
Joined: 27 Jul 2004 Posts: 19 Location: London, England
Posted: Mon Aug 23, 2004 6:29 am Post subject:
Hi AmberD.
After reading your post, I can see the dilemma you are in. But really this is not a dilemma at all.
First of all you have to look at why your husband has come that conclusion?
Is that conclusion factual?
Why would anyone want to lie to a child, KNOWING it is a lie?
And your child does not have to 'miss out' on anything. She can still be given presents, but for more meaningful reasons. Such as doing good things in the home. I know, other family members and friends will make this much harder for you. But what is more important? Your child knowing the truth or pleasing others, with the consequence of producing a liar in your home? This sounds harsh but it is the reality.
You will not be able to tell her to stop lying, when the biggest lie on a yearly basis is being condoned by you.
By lying to your child, you are actually teaching her how to lie to you and others.
I do not beleive in Christmas, and I told my children the truth. They accepted it without questioning. They just saw the logic in it.
How can one man, on a sleigh, have millions of presents for all the billions of children in the world. And deliver each one to every child in the world in ONE NIGHT? The history is that he comes down a chimney. Well many of us do not have chimney's in our homes.
Sit with your husband and look at the facts. Discuss it with other family members, so they can see how your husband feels. They may even agree and say that they wanted to do the same thing, but felt it would rock the boat with others.
We as parents perpetuate a lot of negative aspects in life to our children. We do things and say things, that contradict. Our children grow up and then question our actions and deeds. We then lie to justify why we do these things. It is wrong. A child looks to his/her parents for RIGHT GUIDANCE.
I am not judging you AmberD, I just hope I can open your eyes to what is right and correct for you and your child.
Well Christmas is one of my favourtie times of the year and I really look forward to Christmas this year with my son who will be 2.
I guess you really have to decide with your husband at what age you should tell your daughter the truth......and I agree with you that the Christmas tradition is meant to be fun.
My mom told my sister and I that Santa Claus was real for the longest time. Finally, I just figured it out my own that he wasn't real when I found presents hidden weeks before Christmas that said "To Nicole, Love Santa"... And I would always ask my mom why her writing and Santa's writing looked so similar....she would just smile.
My opinion is that I don't think it's really a big deal at all. And I don't think lying about Santa is going to make her a compulsive liar. All kids tell little white lies anyway
Joined: 27 Jul 2004 Posts: 19 Location: London, England
Posted: Tue Aug 24, 2004 2:32 am Post subject:
Hi everyone again.
I just wanted to say that this issue is about pretending something is real, when we know it is not. And at what point would own up to the truth.
It is funny how we see lies as normal and natural. We see it as a 'matter of fact'; 'People lie anyway'. yet we know the affect of LYING and how it CREATES DISTRUST.
As parents, whether it is a 'white' or a blue lie'. A lie is a lie. As adults we do not like being lied to, yet, we accept that our children may lie once in a while. Well if it starts with little ones at a young age, it will grow into big ones at an older age, believe me. And our admittance of what we went through as children with Christmas, and realising it was a lie - is proof.
I would really like to see how we respond when our child comes home, does something wrong and lies. We will not be laughing. And we will be asking, 'why are are you lying' ' where did it come from?'
I'm 28, believed in and still believe in Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, etc. and have my children believing in them. When I found out they weren't real I kept it to myself. It didn't harm me in any way. If they ask, sure tell them, someone else probably will if not. However this is something between you and your husband to figure out in my opinion as we all have different beliefs and feelings on the subject. Good luck to you both.
YourComforter: I understand your point and what you are trying to say, but I totally disagree with you on the topic of lying.
Are you telling me if your child made you breakfast for Mother's Day, and let's just say they burned the pancakes, or made lumpy oatmeal, and then asked you "Does it taste good mommy?", that you would stick to your guns about not telling a lie and tell them it tastes terrible. Or would you think maybe a little white lie just so that you wouldn't bruise their ego would be ok?
I think the majority of parents would tell a little lie if it meant not hurting someone else's feelings. There is absolutely no harm in it!
That's just my opinion. We're all human and I'm sure everyone has told a little lie at least once in their lives.
Joined: 27 Jul 2004 Posts: 19 Location: London, England
Posted: Wed Aug 25, 2004 1:47 am Post subject:
Dear Nikki.
I am just expressing my experiences and what I have learnt as a mother for 25 years. yes, we have all lied. For me I have seen the affects in later life, and I fight to stay away from that. My children respect me based on truth. There is a saying, 'truth may hurt but it is not a sin'.
It really is up to you to do what you feel is best for your child. I would never tell you how to live your life. But just to consider the consequences of our actions as parents.
However, in me just stating the truth about what we do, and we have admitted to, it has caused controversy. Which means that something I said, must be right.
Please, my intention was not to offend in anyway, but just to open our eyes to what is right and wrong, that's all.
I have differing opinions on tis as well. DH wants to teach DD about santa i dont, i think its WRONG. With all the commercialisim of Christmas now its lost all its meaning. We do the tree and the gifts but i want her to learn more about what the real meaning of christmas is rather than to think Christmas is jsut about Santa Clause who is a FAKE made up person, and gifts. ME and DH are still at eachother about this, we'l see how things go, she's only 1 this year so she still doesnt compleatly understand, this will be a debate for a while.
Posted: Fri Aug 27, 2004 4:32 am Post subject: aproaching the border
Ladies,
This subject line is approaching the border on two subjects. If you read the sticky at the top of the forum that has the rules in it, you will notice two things. 1. No fighting. 2. No religion.
So far this thread has stayed within those guide lines. I would just like to ask that it continues to do so.
First of all, thankyou for the thoughts and opinions, it's nice to know that there are others that feel as I do.
To yourcomforter: As was already stated..who's to say what is right or wrong? I pride myself on being a FANTASTIC mother to my two children.
My daughter is beautiful, well-mannered thoughtful six year old.
It is impossible to put into words what an amazing child she is, she is completely unselfish in every way! She'd give up her last candy, her favorite toy etc.. without even a second thought. That's pretty remarkable to say the least for a child wouldn't you say?
She has an incredible understanding of giving and being thankful, in fact she loves seeing the enjoyment of others because of her actions as much as if she was on the receiving end. From day one my husband and I have always tried to teach our daughter the importance of respect, giving, sharing and being thankful for the things you have.
I agree that Christmas has become too commercialized. It's not all about the toys and gifts etc..
I don't agree with spoiling your child rotten at Christmas time, and spending hundreds and hundreds of dollars on them.
This does take away from the true meaning of Christmas.
If you ask my daughter what her favorite part about Christmas is...she says the same thing every year..
" Can I have two?" "First, I get to spend time with my family I don't get too see very much, and second is decorating the tree of course!"
Don't get me wrong, she is a child and she does love new toys, but that is not first on her mind at Christmas time. In stating this, I think we've so far managed to give our daughter the true understanding of Christmas, don't you? Nikki - thanks for the link, that is exactly how I feel and will show the hubby as well
Joined: 18 Sep 2004 Posts: 904 Location: Long Island
Posted: Sun Sep 19, 2004 12:12 pm Post subject: Santa
Oh my talking Christmas already. LOL!! It seems to early. I remember exactly what my mother said to me when I asked about santa. She said Santa exsists in your heart as long as you believe in him. That is the same answer I will give my kids.
Joined: 18 Sep 2004 Posts: 25 Location: Sunny So Cal
Posted: Sun Sep 19, 2004 5:35 pm Post subject:
I was crushed when my mother told me the truth about santa and I hated her for lying to me about it. In turn, I have not told my son about Santa, much to the disagreement of my husband. After much discussion with my Dh, we decided to let our son himself decide if he wanted to believe in Santa or not. I refuse to TELL him that Santa is real however.
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And I would always ask my mom why her writing and Santa's writing looked so similar....she would just smile.
