Posted: Wed Apr 28, 2004 10:06 am Post subject: An only child?
I have one daughter, ten months old, and our family plan was to have at least two. I am now thinking that I only want my daughter. I love the time that we spend together and I dont want to give that up. I like that I can give my daughter 100% of my attention. I am also looking back at my daughter as a newborn and wonder how in the world am I going to be able to handle a newborn and a toddler. Then I look at what I am going to be taking away from my daughter, the chance to grow up with siblings. I have two siblings, so I dont know what it is like to grow up an only child. So I guess my question is, am I being selfish by not wanting another child?
Absolutely not! And don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it.
My husband and I have a 19 month old son and have debated whether to
have a 2nd child--with everyone (mostly friends) telling us and asking us when we are having our 2nd child.
We had a very, very, difficult time with our son when he was a newborn. He had an extreme case of colic for the first 3 months of his life and went to many doctors about it, only to be told he was as healthy as could be and just to be patient and he would outgrow it (only someone that has been this can relate to what we went through).
We are now leaning towards not having a second child only because like you said I'm not sure if I could handle going through it all again (I'm sure the 2nd would not be like my son with the colic) but I find it's already a lot of work just taking care of my son, let alone a baby as well.
I have a younger sister and we fought like cats and dogs growing up and to this day as adults we are still not that close and there is a lot tension because my mother has always been easier on my sister and has favoured my sister because she says "we just get along better".
I don't want to be like my mom and have a favourite, even though most parents would deny it.
If indeed my son does end up being an only child, we have have already talked about getting him involved in many sports, activities etc so that he has many opportunities to make friends. We also plan to always invite a friend on trips, excursions etc so that my son is not lonely.
You and your husband should really discuss this and see how things go. Your daughter is still very young and you may change your mind and want another baby. Even though my son was difficult as a baby he is now great as a toddler. I really couldn't ask for a nicer little boy and I get emotional when I see how quickly he is growing up and sometimes I miss those baby days........you just never know. Just don't feel guilty. It's a decision between you and your husband/partner.
I can't really say to much since I have 3 kids, but I will admit I thought of what it would be like if we had only the one child. We don't have alot of money and I think I would have been able to give my oldest DD so much more and of course attention but now that I have 3 I don't at all regret it, they all get along great and the 2 older girls still want me to have another one. But I think there is nothing wrong with wanting only one child, that is your own personal decision and I think everyone should support you. Really ,what business is it to anyone? My B-I-L and his wife have chosen to have only one child and she is now 11 and a wonderful girl, she's not spoiled or anything. My hubby and I just wanted 3. one of my friends has 2, another has 3 and another has 4 going on 5!! ETC........
I don't think that you are being selfish at all. I also have one child...21 month old and he is our one and only...for medical reasons (me) and also just because we also do not have a lot of $$ and I want to make sure that Pate gets the things that he wants/needs in life. You know, clothes, food, simple stuff like that, and also things like a car when he is 16 and of course, college. I am an only child. This could also be one of the reasons for me wanting only one child. I am in the same boat as you, people are always asking, "when will you start ttc baby #2?" When I tell them that he is our one and only, we get comments like, "NO...you CAN'T have just ONE baby...he needs a playmate" or "Why only one? You really need to have TWO babies" Even if I did not have any medical problems, I would still say, "nope, just one kid for us" but I have to admit telling people that it is dangerous for me and the baby if I have another one and I just don't want to do that to me or the baby...plus, if anyone spent even 30 minutes with Pate, they would understand!
I agree with the above posts, this really is a decision for you and your husband...only the two of you know what is right for you and your family. You know, things change so quickly and right now, you could feel one way and then a year or two from now, feel differently. However, I just wanted to say that no, you are not being selfish. You just need to do what is best for you and your family!
Take care,
Thank you so much for your responses. She got an ear infection last week and now she feels better, however we have developed some poor sleep habits that must delt with now! It is so hard to be a mom, but I wouldn't give her up for the world. She is my little pride and joy and my only pride and joy. I will have to just deal with the "you have to have another one" comments. Thanks again.
You're better off not having another one if you're not sure. I have a two-year-old daughter and a three-week-old son, and I can tell you it's hard. I love them to death, but if I wasn't sure I wanted them I'd be miserable
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