Well, not sure, but it seems like the two of you are moms, and very good ones at that. I just wanna help out in the father department with a male reply and why. I kinda have the same problem, everynow and then myself with my 2 year old getting shoved around. Ill share a story. We were at good ole Chucky Cheeses one day, very crouded, but having fun. My son was standing in front of me playing with a computerized screen, not really understanding what he was doing, but was having fun. He was about 3-4 feet from me. 2 girls ran up, probably 3 and 4 ish, and shoved him out of the way, pushing him to the ground and knocking his head off of an object. It hurt, and I know it did. (Read my post "just a few questions" for more elaboration on my relationship with my son) He did not cry, he did not faulter one bit with emotion. He got up, rubbed his head, and looked at me, with his big ole blue eyes that were screaming DADDY, WTF??? DO SOMETHING!!! I squated down, and he looked at me in disgust, like "why dont you do something, they hurt me". I got inbetween the two girl and said, "girls, you just pushed my son down and that hurt him really bad, he was playin with that toy" They looked at me, up and down, looked at each other, hit me, and ran to daddy. Daddy, was a BIG loser. He was getting drunk at chucky cheeses....c'mon...watch and play with your children! Oh well. After that, I explained to him, that there are people in the world, even as little kids that act bad and do bad things, but you are better than them because you do what is right and share and so on. He understood completely and later on, the 2 girls were playin on a jungle gym of some sort and the older one fell, a few feet, and was hurt, but not bad...she did cry though. Call me a bad person, but I smiled inside for a second after she got up. But even more astounding, I looked at my son who saw the whole thing, and he looked at me, walked over, smiled, and hugged my leg so tight. He saw that she got hers, without him having to do anthing, but give it time.
When my son is in school and the "bully" situation comes up, I will not tell my son to not hit back, I just wont. In my opinion, at this age, they dont have the discression to understand a child knowing better or not. However, in Jr High, when a kid messes with him and smacks him around, he will be told to give a verbal warning, and if hit hard enough before supervision gets involved, he will retalliate. I dont believe in and eye for and eye, but I do believe in defending yourself. If he does not learn to do it, he will get walked all over in life, until a life changing experience happens. I know this, because this happened to myself. Mom told me to never hit, you will get in trouble, just get away from it....so I did. I got walked all over in the real world till I got cheated on by my wife...then I lost it. I was a MEAN person for a long time after that, because the defenses were up so hardcore. If he is allowed to stand up for himself a time or 2 and run the possiblity of getting suspended for a few days, so be it. Its better than putting his friends and family through what I did to them. Not sure, kinda ramlin now, but hope that made sense. A man, never wants to see his son picked on, it reflects badly upon the father (sorry, its just a natural instinct). I understand not to have your kid fighting at the drop of a hat, but only in dire situations in what im saying. Well, thanks for your time