Posted by Mels on September 02, 2003 at 09:26:33:
In Reply to: Mels, please see my post below :) n/m posted by Amy K on September 02, 2003 at 00:35:22:
Just wanted to let you know I didn't think it was harsh that you said if I didn't have sex, I wouldn't have gotten pregnant. That's obviously true. I don't feel like a victim for having gotten pregnant or anything--it was my choice to have sex. I have however found that most birth control just doesn't work for me. Even the mini-pill didn't work. I was religious about taking it every day at exactly the same time of day. Once I went into work half an hour early and in the car on the way there I realized it was 8:00 on the dot and I took the pill right there in my car, LOL.
But of course we're talking a 17-year time span here. I suppose I could have abstained for 9 years until I met my first husband and an additional six years until I met my second husband. But let's face facts. I'm an adult and when I'm truly in love, I have sex. I was pregnant 3 years ago (miscarried); we were engaged (informally--I didn't have a ring yet, but he was pretty serious about it). Again, maybe that's no excuse to do the nasty.
I'm not sure why I put in that I get pregnant easily, except that the way I was talking about this, that and the other pregnancy, it sounded like I was a right slut. I am truly not--and I don't take pregnancy lightly. Some women spend years, dollars and a lot of tears trying to get pregnant. I feel guilty and awful that it's so easy for someone like me. So I hope you don't think I take pregnancy or babies lightly. Trust me, if I had my way and this were a perfect world, I'd have had every one of my babies. I love my children so much. I've "talked" to my aborted baby many times and I've dreamt about her (funny feelng it was a girl) many times. I wanted her. But I was barely supporting and feeding Joey as it was, and I had just been "dumped" for a prettier woman. I didn't know how to carry a baby to term when I had a 6-year-old in the house. He was certainly old enough to know what pregnancy was--he went to a daycare where many of the mommies showed up pregnant. He had asked the questions already and I had told him. I didn't know what to do.
In my opinion, the worst risks of abortion aren't physical. They're emotional. To be quite honest with you, if I had suffered physical repercussions from the abortion, I would have felt that it was a risk I took and something negative I did, and therefore, there would be nobody to blame but me. But I didn't feel like I had any other options.
So I always feel for girls who come on here and ask about abortion. I don't want to offend anybody by saying I'm pro-choice but I just don't feel qualfied to tell any other woman (or her boyfriend/husband) what to do about it. Having a baby is huge (as you know!). It's a whole little life. I know life isn't always fair. If it were fair, someone like me, who gets pregnant every time I share a toothbrush, would have been stricken infertile in retribution. That didn't happen. So it's obvious that life isn't fair. And when life isn't fair to the next person, I just never feel I can tell them, "Don't abort...that's killng a child..." I felt that way even before my abortion, even when my "choice" (I know it wasn't mine to make, but you know what I mean) was to keep my baby. That's the thing about pro-choice. Many people think "pro-choice" means "pro-aborton". It doesn't. As you can see, my original choice was to keep my baby. He's 17 now and bigger than I am! Scary! And we've been through a lot.
Anyway, sorry to ramble. I guess I just wanted to explain myself better. You're right that the baby doesn't have a choice. But then again, with adoption, he doesn't have a choice either. He ends up with whomever other people have decided he should end up with. If his choice would have been to know either or both of his parents, that's been taken away from him too. But you're right--a life-or-death choice is much more serious. And I know adoptive parents are typically very carefully screened. I don't know what the answer is--but I do know it's a hard decision and once you become pregnant, you'll never be the same, one way or another.
Love,
Mel
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