Posted by Mels on September 05, 2003 at 00:10:12:
Hi...I feel funny calling you "Materni-T," but I don't know your name. I just wanted to thank you for those links. I wrote to two of them. (This is regarding traumatic birth experiences.)
I've been searching for other women who can understand how I feel. I haven't found any yet. I'm hoping there will be some on these sites. In my 8 weeks "off" (maternity leave), I spent just about every minute in pain. I spent almost half of it not even walking without a walker. I spent half of it sleeping on a chair. I spent almost all of it either crying, or wanting to.
Now I'm back at work and so tired out...I think emotionally as much as pysically...nobody understands...it's so disappointing to wait 9 long months for this wonderful child & not even be able to enjoy them b/c you're counting the seconds until you can take your next three Tylenol. Or wanting to hold him but your hip or shoulder gives out and you just can't do it and have to put him down. It's horrible b/c I feel like I lost all those 8 weeks. It was my only time to bond with my son. Now my sister watches him during the day while I work and I feel like there's no difference when he looks at her than when he looks at me. I might just as well not carried him for 9 anxious months, birthed him painfully or mothered him exclusively for 2 more months. B/c I was a tired, in-pain mom and wasted that time just trying to recover, trying to walk...a little more each day...trying to be able to lie down & not sleep in a chair...every day was a milestone...while I raced the clock trying to get well enough to enjoy my baby. But now it's over. And I think he's already forgotten I am his mom. My sister might just as well be his mother.
Oh well. Who knows why I'm rambling on. It's just...nobody understands. DH sure as hell doesn't. He let me get up and limp to get the baby for 6 long weeks before he even got up once with him...he doesn't seem to care...he has his own agenda, his own wants...god this is all so hard. Oh well. Again, I just wanted to thank you for the links as I think I might find other moms who suffered injuries during birth and although I wouldn't wish it on anyone, I feel so alone & lonely right now that talking to any of them would bring tremendous relief.
Much love to you for being so good as to look up those links for me.
Mels
Colin Andrew is 9 weeks old
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