Posted by Amy on November 19, 2003 at 20:36:17:
In Reply to: Someone help!!! sorry so long posted by a desperate girl in search for help!!! on November 18, 2003 at 13:35:57:
Wow, the situations we get ourselves into, right? I really feel for you. I am a pregnancy counselor, and I just wanted to offer you some advice and see if maybe I could try to help a little bit. :)
First of all, I am REALLY glad that you don't believe in abortion. A lot of women just don't know how developed their baby is early on. At just three weeks after conception, the baby's heart is already beating. By four weeks, the baby's eyes, ears, arms, and legs have begun to show. At six weeks, the baby has recordable brain waves and little fingers. If her cheek is stroked, she responds with movement. At seven weeks, she begins moving in the womb. Some unborn babies even suck their thumb at seven weeks! If you want to learn more about how your baby is growing and developing, I really encourage you to check out:
www.justthefacts.org and
www.abortiontv.com/HowUnbornBabiesGrow.htm
Also, if you know how far along you are, I can tell you more about your baby's development and send you some pictures of what he or she looks like right now.
I hope that you won't even consider abortion, or let anyone else try to pressure you into it. After all, even though you're in a really tough spot right now, I know that you know it's not your baby's fault. Abortion is a very painful, horrible death for little ones who have done nothing to deserve it. They are literally torn apart, alive, without anethesia.
Also, many women don't know how abortion can harm them physically. It can cause breast cancer, damage to internal organs, hemorrhage, infection, and even death. If you need more information about abortion, I encourage you to visit www.abortiontv.com. I have also been researching abortion for the past year or so, and I would be happy to answer any questions you might have.
I believe that you really desire to do the right thing, and I think that's wonderful. I encourage you to protect the baby inside you, no matter what.
So, the question is...what to do now??? Usually, I recommend that parents stay together. Babies really need both a mom and a dad, and it's very good for the baby if the mom is in the home, like you are. However, it really doesn't sound like you want to make a commitment to the man you are with right now. As you said, you don't feel ready to parent his boys, and you have even been looking around at other guys. Unless you make a firm commitment to marry this man and be faithful to him, I don't see a very good future for the home, especially since you were already thinking of moving on before you learned about your pregnancy.
The problem is, of course, that your baby will do best in a stable home with a mom and a dad. Since you are being honest with yourself and admitting that you may not feel ready for this, I really, really encourage you to think hard about adoption. I believe that in your situation, adoption may be the most loving thing you can do for your child. He or she can have a stable home with a mom and a dad, and after your pregnancy, you can pursue your other plans. I have some great materials I can send you about adoption, if you would like. I also encourage you to visit www.bethany.org to learn more about adoption. You can choose your baby's adoptive family, and with an open adoption plan, you can receive pictures and updates on your child. Of course, your baby's father also has rights, but if you decide that you want to place the baby for adoption, your adoption agency can try to work things out with him.
So, you have some hard decisions to make. I hope that you will, first of all, commit yourself to letting your baby live, and resolve not to let anyone hurt him or her (or you!) through abortion. Secondly, you're going to have to decide between making a commitment to the baby's father, placing the baby in a loving adoptive home, or trying single parenting. I'd be glad to talk to you about any of these options, if you'd like.
I also want you to know that there is a ton of help available for pregnant women in your situation! You can get free financial, legal, and medical help at a crisis pregnancy center in your area. They can also provide you with counseling, pregnancy education, adoption information, and free maternity and baby supplies. Many crisis pregnancy centers can also get you hooked up with a support group, so you can talk things over with other women in your situation. To find a pregnancy center near you, just call 1-800-395-HELP or visit www.optionline.org.
I wish you the best, and I hope you'll let me know how things work out. Please feel free to email me anytime.
Amy
: I am in a terrible situation ...
: I live with my fiance and he has 2 kids ... I love them but he had them toooo young and they are only a year apart two boys at that ... the kids mom abandoned them over a year ago and he took care of them well I am taking care of them because obviously if I want to be with him I have to accept his kids also ...
: well I think my fiance was looking for someone like a mother figure for his kids ... and now i'm stuck practically raising them because my fiance works at night and sleeps all day ... i currently don't work but i do the cleaning cooking all that house wife duties ... and it sucks because just months ago i was single, living on my own, by i was with him, so its a big jump. it's not that i don't love his kids, it's just that i am not ready for that responsibility ... i think ... i am also very young ... and i don't know what to do ...
: here is the worst part today ... i went to the gyn ... to get a regular pap exam and get on some type of birth control ... seeing that i am so stressed with my fiances bad a** sons i decided that i was not going to have any children right now ... because i figured that my our relantionship might eventually die out since two kids are involved ... well it turned out that i am pregnant ... that was so devastating to me ... and it sucks because i have no job ... i was in the process of looking for one and i love shopping and i was just going to try to find a way around or out the this motherly responsibility that is not suppose to be my obligation ... i don't know what to do ... i don't beleive in abortion and this sucks since lately i have found myself thinking alot about a guy who i met that is single NO KIDS and i think likes me even though he knows that i have a fiance ... he is actually my fiances friend ...
: some comforting advice ...
: I just want to die right now!!!!!! i dont know what to do!!!!!!!!!!!
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