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unhappily married with children

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Posted by Denise on June 24, 2003 at 01:15:40:

I probably should be posting on a marital problem message board but am hoping some of you may be able to give me a little strength.

My husband has always been very anxious and a worry wort about finances to the point where he gets very angry with me if I buy my 2 year old daughter and 4 year old son a toy including buying things that they really need like pajamas and clothing. Even if he recieves something in the mail without even first finding out if there is a problem with it, he will raise his tone of voice and the worst part is he does not seem to care if my children are around. I have asked him to please wait until they go to bed to discuss our problems and just keeps going.

When my first child was 8 months old, we went to counseling for a year which of course did not help. I have also tried to get him involved in church which also did not help. Him and I seem to clash. I consider myself a very calm, mello, patient, and loving person. Every person who knows me compliments me on my parenting skills and say that I seem like such a kind and loving mother. My kids seem to take after the sweetness and calmness too especially because I am with them all day. I have an at-home job as an interpreter part-time. Sometimes he has thrown in my face that if I want to spend that I should work more but have explained that I already feel overworked taking care of my kids all day.

My parents love him because I don't tell them my problems because if for some reason we would have worked things out, I don't want them to have any bad feelings toward him. I am at that point where I feel like I should end this marriage. I am not sure if being together will affect my kids more or being apart. I feel sad and just want to do the right thing. I have told him many times that I want to end this marriage because he doesn't change and always cries and convinces me not to. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am also worried that if I end this marriage my kids will later throw it in my face that I took them away from their father. It seems like he is only nice and loving when he wants me to be intimate with him. I have explained all of my feelings to him for many years and says he will change when I threaten that I am leaving.

I apologize for this being so long, but any advice, negative or positive, would be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much.

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