Posted by Debbie on September 06, 2003 at 17:46:34:
In Reply to: Controversial question regarding spanking posted by Christy on September 06, 2003 at 01:20:36:
Thank you Mels for your very inspiring answer to to that question. I sometimes as well feel overwhelmed by my childrens behavior. They are 21 months and 3 years old, and as many of you know, my 3 year old is special needs. Neither of them listen to a word I say. Some days seem better than others, but I go thru the same things...they scream and shriek in the stores, they wont sit down in a shopping cart or even to go out for a simple meal. They arch their backs and whine and they look at me like "ok, what are you going to do", they kick at me when I change diapers, my 21 month old throws his plate on the floor when it's not what he wants to eat, they get mad and hit objects (like my television or my pictures).....it is so tempting to smack, and I would not even try to say I have not smacked a behind or a hand when things have gotten extremely out of control. This happens mostly with each other...they both hit, kick, bite, push, take each others things, etc. etc. etc. and usually someone ends up getting hurt. After separating them and they meet again it starts all over. I mean this with all sincerity...my 3 year old may have Down Syndrome, but she is way more typical than not, at least when it comes to behavior and doing the things that toddlers do.
I invested in a book called 123 Magic: Effective Discipline for ages 2-12. It is a great book and is a very simple concept, and probably mirrors something similar to the discipline our parents used for us. I have had success with it - even with my 21 month old, and it has decreased the amount of frustration that I have. When I first read the back of the book - which came highly recommended to me - I thought, "yeah right, this wont work either". It took a while, and it is not foolproof, but it was at least another tactic I could use.
Good luck, and know you're not alone!!
: Hi, I have a 3-year-old boy and 4-year-old daughter whom receive a lot of love and attention daily and have tons of toys. I am feeling like a complete failure because they don't listen to a word I say, scream and throw tantrums for everything. My husband and I can never go out to dinner, the store, or anywhere without them throwing huge trantrums. The doctor says they are perfectly normal. If we are at a store, they want to run around everywhere and if I tell them no they scream and throw tantrums. If I put them in their stroller or shopping cart, they stand up and try to get out. If I tell them to sit down, they scream, even hit me, etc. My husband and I are not strict parents, so I really don't know what we are doing wrong. My husband and I are beginning to have arguments now because they are so out of control. He sometimes gets stressed out and then raises his voice at them. I then get upset with him because I think he shouldn't raise his voice, but then again they don't listen to either of us no matter what. No matter what I do. I have tried rewarding them for good behavior. I have tried everything. There are times when I feel like maybe I need to spank them when nothing helps. I have never spanked them, but I am feeling stressed out every day. If I even tell my daughter she needs to hold my h and when we cross the street, she throws a fit even for things that are for her own safety.
: Sorry if I am rambling, but I would appreciate some advice. Thank you.