Posted by Nicole K on November 10, 2003 at 20:56:58:
In Reply to: I know this is a parenting board, but I need opinions! posted by Lonely on November 10, 2003 at 16:00:48:
: I know there are a lot of very cool, intelligent people here, so I wanted to get your opinions on something: open marriage.
: Here's the scenario: My husband and I are miserable together. There is absolutely nothing between us anymore. We sleep in separate bedrooms, we have sex maybe once every 3 months, and when we are in the same room, we fight constantly.
: We have a one-year-old daughter who means everything to both of us. This is why divorce doesn't seem to be a pleasant option for us. There is no way that either of us could bear to be separated from our little girl.
: I can already hear all of you saying, "Marriage counseling!" But I am very skeptical of that idea. I don't see how a counselor could teach me how to love my husband again.
: This is where the idea of open marriage comes in. I would love to be able to spend time (and I don't mean just sexually) with other men, as I am very lonely for companionship and conversation. This way my husband and I could raise our daughter together, but not feel trapped in a loveless, unhappy marriage.
: So, my question to you is, have you ever known anyone who has had a successful open marriage? And what do you think of the whole idea? I just want honest opinions please. But keep in mind that the only other alternative is divorce. Thanks in advance for your ideas and opinions.
I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, it must be really difficult especially when you both have a child that you love so much but don't share that love for each other.
I read everyone's responses and I think that what Sal said was very helpful and good advice. Your daughter if not now, will very soon, pick up on the lack of affection and tension between you and your husband. I know this because my 14 month old son just loves when me and my husband share a hug or kiss and will even push me towards my husband to give him a peck on the lips.
My parents divorced when I was 3 and my sister was only a few months old and we never really knew any different until we were older and realized we didn't have a father like everyone else or so we thought but other than that my mom did a fantastic job. It would definitely be harder on your daughter if you divorced when she was older and more aware of what was going on..
Counselling should always be given a chance before divorce, but if you have fallen out of love with your husband, then no amount of counselling will bring that love back.
Maybe what you need is time apart from each other to make both of you realize that there is still some love there......maybe not..........Just remember to put your daughter first when making your decision.